February 25, 2020
Is there any way you can prepare yourself for the journey of motherhood ahead? My honest answer is no. But, trust me, it’s worth every frustrating situation and overwhelming experience.
Four years back, her birth was the start of my journey of motherhood. When I first saw her, I forgot my pain, and every moment became invincible. It’s like this beautiful time in life where you finally have what you’ve waited for, for so long.
The first three months were tough. It’s not easy to manage everything along with the newborn. The first three months were tough. It’s not easy to manage everything along with the newborn. Exhausted, sleepless and overwhelmed, I was an emotional mess. I had a hard time conversing with people around me, nothing made sense to me.
The four-month regression hit me hard. Most days, my daughter wouldn’t stop crying. Nothing worked, all frantic efforts would go in vain. We both would get exhausted, and she would fall asleep in my arms.
And, then self-doubt would creep in. I would stare at her peaceful sleeping face and cry. And, feel guilty.
Defeated and exhausted, I was failing as a mother. I wanted to do the best for her. This expectation made me more vulnerable and impatient.
In those early days of motherhood, what I missed the most was my time. Did I have any “me” time? I yearned for a peaceful ten minutes nap and bath. Taking a shower in peace was a dream without that little shadow banging the door.
My love and respect for my mother grew a thousandfold. How did she manage three kids? Exhaustion overwhelms, and longingness to feel like me again.
Whenever I saw a happy baby outside, I wondered if others had a magic wand to make their babies happy. And, look adorable and well-dressed. Do I deserve to be a mother? No, I didn’t even know how to comfort my crying baby and understand her needs.
This struggle of being a perfectionism continued for almost six months. Finally, I gave up. I stopped expecting everything to be perfect. And, started loving less organized and cluttered home.
We have learned and grown together in this three and a half years of my life. She had taught me to be calm and made me a better human being. A person with giving heart and gratitude for every little thing.
When I started to embrace my little one growing. And the little changes that were taking place, I started feeling better. I was more happy and content. So was my daughter.
Now, I spent more time playing with her and reading books. And, I realized, what I was missing in my life. The simple joy of watching that tiny human grow.
Changing my mindset was the best thing I could have done for myself and my baby. Once, you let go of every fear and anxiety, you will see how beautiful this feeling of taking care of that tiny human.
Trust your instinct, and you will never go wrong with your baby’s need. This is a phase and will pass, hang in there. Create beautiful memories and click pictures, which you will cherish forever. This home belongs to that tiny human too. Let them create a mark and make a memory!
No one is perfect so don’t be hard on yourself. The best thing you can do to yourself is to engage in something that makes you happy. I started gardening again and it calmed me. The other benefit of gardening was that it gave my daughter immense joy to play in the soil.
I learned how to handcraft quilts and blankets. It grew on me. It made me enjoy the melodies of thread and needles, and that’s how MulberryLoom came to existence.
When she took a nap, either I napped or did a few things that interest me. Binge watched a few series on Netflix and Hotstar, not to forget Game of Thrones and my cup of coffee.
We made a habit of story reading before going to bed, and it was so much fun together. We got tired by the end of the day. We waited for each day to unfold.
Some moments you’re going to feel like you just can’t do anymore, that you just weren’t cut out to be a parent… but I promise, you’re not alone.
Keep pushing, and know that you will overcome these obstacles. And these tired nights. Let’s not forget those moments when your little comes to you. With their arms wide open, and wraps them around your neck.
Don’t give up if you have come so far you will get through it alive and sane! Take time to explore your creative side. And brace yourself for the unpredictable side.
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